Neurodiversity through the lens of an Asian Woman

 

This blog will be quite different from my previous entry. In honor of Neurodiversity Celebration week, this blog will be dedicated to my story as a Neurodivergent Asian woman.

“Wow she’s so multi-talented," a common phrase I heard about myself growing up. For some reason, people thought it was impressive to learn how to play volleyball, train for taekwondo, learn how to do a butterfly stroke (in their 1st year of learning how to swim), and learn how to ride a bike at the ripe age of 8. As impressive as it may seem, if you learn all these skills in, let’s say… a span of ONE YEAR, wouldn’t you find it a bit strange? It's like I learned everything like that title of my favorite movie, "Everything Everywhere All at Once). This trait is actually a classic example of what we call “Hobby Hopping,” an ADHD trait that I learned from the extensive research I made after I got diagnosed. It's also often overlooked if you come from an Asian family that attributes your hobby hopping into greatness. 

Let’s take a step back and see how I got here. 

It started in 2016 when I got diagnosed with Bipolar 2 Disorder a couple of months after graduating from high school. Everyone (Including myself) thought that it would be a good decision for me to take a gap year. (But mainly because I didn’t get into any of the schools I applied to anyway, so there was nowhere for me to go).

The following year I got accepted into a small arts school in the city. Perhaps it's been a while, and I forgot how to "School" which made me question if I had some type of learning disorder. I thought, "Maybe college just isn’t for me? Maybe college is just much harder than I thought it was going to be?" (Looking back, I should have been kinder to myself with my thoughts)

On one of my bi-weekly visits, I brought up my lack of productivity to my doctor. At that point I had been working with her for well over a year, and at that point, she knew me pretty well. Initially, she thought we just had to get the gears moving since I had been out of school for a while. But she didn't dismiss my concern quickly. She said we can run the test, but she needs to tlk to someone who's constantly been in my life since I was younger. No one knew me as much as my big brother, so she did an interview with him quickly. It didn’t take long for us to figure out that I am, in fact, neurodivergent.

Apparently, my brother had thought I had some type of ADHD growing up, but our parents brushed passed it. What even is ADHD? Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

"Healthcare providers use the guidelines in the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, Fifth edition (DSM-5)1, to help diagnose ADHD. This diagnostic standard helps ensure that people are appropriately diagnosed and treated for ADHD. Using the same standard across communities can also help determine how many children have ADHD, and how public health is impacted by this condition."

There are a multitude of symptoms that manifest themselves in unique ways and different types of ADHD depending on your characteristics.

Inattentive ADHD includes lack of focus, disorganization, distractability, trouble following directions, and forgetfulness,

Hyperactive ADHD includes impatient interruptions of others always “on the go,” excessive activity, difficulty paying attention, and fidgeting.

Can you guess which one your girl got diagnosed with?

Can you guess which one your girl got diagnosed with?

Trick question because I got diagnosed with combined type, which means that I got the best of both worlds, as Hannah Montana put it. 

All of a sudden, everything makes sense. It’s like that scene in The Matrix when Neo wakes up or when finally realizes the matrix or in "The Wizard of Oz" when it turned color from black and white. Their wee answers to questions that I have gaslighted myself (for years) into thinking was just me being lazy or whatnot, but apparently, it’s ADHD. ADHD, on top of bipolar disorder, is not a walk in the park but it can be managed. Although some days I feel like I've eaten a handful of M&Ms and Skittles (combined).

Here are some of the people/resources that have helped me accept myself throughout the years: 

•  @yellowchaircollective (on Instagram) -- They offer mental health and educational services specializing in Asian American theory and LGBTQIA-affirming approach. Their infographics are the highlight of my day because I get to keep learning things about myself that I wouldn't have found out on my own.

• @disorientrepresent (Emily Chen, on Instagram) -- I found them when I was researching ADHD in Asian women for a topic I had in my speech and debate competition. Which I ended up competing with for nationals and I ended up wining bronze (subtle flex). She is a Taiwanese American ADHDer who is a future speech-language therapist. She blogs her mind, which I should probably do too but her commentary and storytelling is so compelling. I shed a tear every now and then. This is one of my favorite quotes from her

“the model minority myth… Even in elementary school, without knowing the name of this phenomenon, I felt a constant, unspoken expectation to behave, ace math tests, and excel at the piano. Because of it, I somehow managed to suppress my ADHD and present as “good” and “smart,” thus fitting into the model minority stereotype. Since I was doing really well, why would I need any help? At least, this was what society had me believe.” if that doesn’t tell you about ADHD in Asian women, I don’t know what would.

• @chayteatherapy (My previous therapist) – I don’t think I can thank Chay enough. I found her a couple of years after I moved to the U.S., and it was a match made in heaven. She is a Filipino-American from the Bay Area who provides online therapy services. Unfortunately, I had to “break up with her, a.k.a changed insurance, and my new policy wouldn’t cover the expenses. The last couple I remember from her is that she’s holding onto the hope that one day we can work together. 

I have made so much progress in managing my mental health over the past couple of years, but one thing I want to note is that. it starts from accepted, and from then on, I promise it will get better. So to top this all off, if you’re a little Asian American girl, feel free to get help, and you may find answers you didn’t even think are worth questioning. 

Lastly, here’s a handout I made back in 2021 when I competed in the Phi Ro Pi national forensics championships, where I won bronze for speech to entertain on the topic of “ADHD in Asian Women”

 

Although this blog is for our feature article writing class, I hope that this reaches someone who needs to hear it. 

Happy Neurodivergent Week to all the brains out there! 🧠

With love from your resident boba girl, AJ Yabut ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶