Who Rules Burgerdom?

When Southern Californians hear the word 'burger', it's natural for them to think of In 'n Out. The burgers there are the standard against which all other fast-food burgers are measured. Some restaurants come close to matching an In 'n Out burger's deliciousness, but none come close to matching the chain's consistency. Even sober people go there after midnight--they all know that their burgers will be done right, and taste exactly like their very first.

But there exist two realms of burgerdom: the fast-food realm (the champion of which is undisputed), and the sit-down restaurant realm. So what about the latter? It seems like every restaurant has a burger, and it seems like most of those burgers are total shit. You can order a burger three separate times at the same restaurant, and you'll get a different one every time. One day it's well-done, the next it's too pink and sits on a dry bun, and the last time it's served open-faced with a wobbly pickle and too much mayo. Poor form. The sit-down restaurant had no champion, and I yearned to find a place that could take the crown. Then one day I drove east on the 91, and I found that champion. Its name is Slater's 50/50.

Tucked away in a corner of a strip mall close to the border of Yorba Linda and Anaheim Hills, Slater's doesn't look like much from the outside. The signage is simple and sleek, the inside looks dark, one door is always flung open, and the neon signs in the window tell no tale but that Bud and Coors are served. Walk in, however, and everything changes. You notice how crowded it is. There are two bars, one of which is packed with diners, and the other is packed with young people catching a buzz and trying not to go deaf. TVs cover every line of sight in the house. The chalk-board beer list is posted in multiple locations, and yes, it is impressive (you can even get high-ABV Belgian beers in massive, 22-ounce glasses!). Finally, you realize that the place has a distinctly savory smell. You ask yourself what that excellent reek is, and the answer comes quickly: yup, it's bacon.

Whoever thought to put bacon on a burger was fucking brilliant. Too bad the execution is often less-than-so. Either the bacon is too crispy, or too greasy, or an entire strip slaps you on the chin when it's pulled out by the first bite. Not good. Slater's found a solution. They put the bacon in the patty. That's where the 50/50 comes from: it's 50% ground beef, 50% ground bacon. And it is 100% delicious. They have to cook it fully, of course, but the inside of the patty is still pink from all that yummy bacon. You'd think it would be unbearably salty, but you'd be wrong. The flavor is something akin to pastrami, but with an extra dose of beefiness. Like its competitor, The Counter, Slater's lets you choose from a few pre-configured burgers or build your own. Every topping and sauce you could ask for is listed, from baconnaise (yes, it exists) to gruyere to cucumber to fried pickle chips. It sounds criminal, but they'll even let you put bacon on top of your burger. And it's all piled onto your choice of a light, slightly sweet brioche bun, a tender wheat bun, or a toasted, dry ciabatta (which is to be avoided at all costs. You have been warned). The trick is to keep it simple, so as not to make the burger too tall. A tall burger equals a messy disaster of mouthwatering proportions. Try this: the 50/50 on brioche with baconnaise, grilled onions, jalapeños, gruyere, and fried pickle chips. It's just an unbelievably good burger. You could even swap in garlic aioli and roasted green chiles and you would still have something incredible.

I've gone several times, and it just keeps getting better. Now when I hear the word 'burger', I think of Slater's 50/50. Go ahead, brand me a traitor to In 'n Out, I don't care. My loyalty lies with one thing, and one thing only: bacon.