For years I was known for my long hair. It was the first thing anyone noticed about me and was often how I would set myself apart. My hair carried an abundance of my identity. It gave me confidence, brought me comfort and connected me to my heritage.
The Hispanic women in my family would fawn over my hair and shower me with praise. They would warn me to never cut it and would express how short hair would not suit me. To them, long hair was feminine and beautiful, whereas short hair was deemed childish or masculine.As I grew older their words became embedded into my mind. I connected my self image and worth to my long hair. I was attached to the way people viewed me and the things they would say about me.
Everything changed when the pandemic struck. I of course had too much time on my hands and I got to thinking: why do I have long hair? Why is so much of my identity rooted in this one external characteristic? I never made the choice to have this appearance. It seemed to have just happened and everyone encouraged me to maintain the length.
My questions led to more questions and I realized how heavily my self worth was immersed in my hair. I began to wonder who I was without it and how much of my identity was lost within it.
I decided to take a risk and cut off 15 inches of my precious hair. I recall being apprehensive at first, but I needed to own my appearance.
My sister Celeste put together a make-shift salon in our kitchen, as none were available amidst the pandemic. She was surprised I had come to this decision, but she was my biggest supporter. She snipped away at my locks and inch by inch, the hair that once brought me tremendous pride was scattered across the tile flooring.
Celeste handed me a mirror once she was satisfied with her work. I was shocked by the reflection that stared back at me. It was the same person I had always been, yet someone I did not recognize.
Reactions from my family and peers were mixed. Some were supportive, others were disappointed. Neither opinion affected me as deeply anymore – I was happy with my new appearance.
I have now had short hair for about four years and I truly believe it has granted me an opportunity to develop my own identity. Over the years my personality has shifted and changed, but I have learned that it’s okay to shed my skin and grow into someone new.
Hair/our appearance plays such a huge role in our identity and how we view ourselves! I completely understand what you're saying!
ReplyDeleteI completely relate to this! When I was a little kid I chopped my hair extremely short and was bullied for having "boy hair". What does that even mean? I then spent years growing it out long in hopes of looking more feminine. I genuinely loved having long hair too, but looking back I hate that I did it just to please others. Earlier this year I decided to chop my hair short again simply because I felt like it and it was very liberating for my younger self.
ReplyDeleteI think hair is such a big part of what makes someone's style personal to them. I had the same revelation after cutting bangs for a year. I felt like a completely different person after having them, and I have learned that bangs, although super cute on most people, weren't for me.
ReplyDeleteI love this story! I am currently debating whether or not to cut my hair I have been growing out for so long, and my biggest fear is the opinions of others. But just like you said, I need to own my appearance! At the end of the day my family does not have to live with my hair, I do. So I will do what I want with it. Will I cut it still? Who knows! - Cameron
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